A twisted tale

Have you ever felt completely out of place when you enter a room full of strangers and then thought to yourself, “What on earth was I thinking?” I have a vivid recollection of such a day that I will share with you in just a moment. You may find some solace in my plight, at some point we all experience such situations.

Just to give you all some context here I am no fitness freak, as much as I wish I was, I am far from it. More often than not I give in to my cravings and in my case cheat day is almost every day except for that one day in a month (usually the 1st) when I decide to get serious!

Needless to say, my bouts of fitness affect my man’s appetite as collateral damage. He has finally figured out it’s in his best interest to not debate with my temporary insanity as I always, quietly glide back on my Indian ghee and butter within a few days.

Like millions of women struggling to achieve a certain size or look, I try different kinds of activities to attain my version of perfection. Now you can probably guess what I am going to talk about. YOGA yes! We all know it is good for us etc… no arguments here about all that I may even expand on the topic in future but for now let’s get back to the day I had my first Yoga class in the United States.

Flashback: I had tried practicing yoga when I was in India. My roommate and I thought we struck gold when we found a Groupon deal for a home yoga instructor! (How lazy can we get right?) Well, for a week we would struggle to wake up before our work, twisting and falling in our half awake state. While our disinterested ‘Guru’ sat peering in his phone simply chanting breathe in breathe out. Obviously, we realized this was not helping and gave up on the idea.

Cut back to present:  So you see I entered this class with a false sense of accomplishment regarding my Yogic capabilities!

Checklist – Yoga mat, proper attire (or so I thought) water bottle, hair up in a neat bun. At least I had the perfect insta look for a yoga class. Everyone was smiling at each other, some quiet conversations in the background. The lighting was warm and perfect, music was soothing. Overall it was almost like walking into a spa.

Then, the class begins, our instructor introduces herself and I smile back at her like that teacher’s pet, miss know it all student the one we all hated in our school. My confidence was at an optimum level. She starts with some warm up positions, sun salutations. I am not sure of the moves so I keep looking around and copying people.

She instructs everyone to breathe correctly with up dog and down dog positions!! I am lost I have no idea what they are, but when I see other’s I think “Ohhh…. ya”.

I pacified myself that I probably know the Sanskrit names better. Like magic, she read my mind and the sweet instructor started pronouncing the authentic names of the asana carefully with pauses! Something … something asana….. her accent confused me as much as my accent would have confused anyone in that room.

After a lot of looking around, especially at the clock on the wall, I had somewhat managed to accomplish my version of the chair, warrior, dog and cow asanas. I completely surrendered when asked to come into the crow position! Not because I have a problem with that particular bird but simply because I think I twisted parts of myself I didn’t know existed up till then.

By the end of this 45 min session of embarrassment, I realized I was the only one there who could recite the mantra playing in the background but not hold a single posture correctly. “Hare Rama…hare Ram..” played melodiously as I actually kept remembering Lord Rama while twisting myself.

Just as I was ready to be done with yoga forever the instructor called me to show me something. Apparently, there was a more basic yoga class for beginners like me in the mornings and this was the advanced version that I had signed up for. Next time my fitness fever starts and if I ever recover from these twists I will probably sign up for the basics class.